Episode 023: Solo ENM with Holly

Being a Unicorn, Group Sex Dynamics, and What is Comphet?

In this episode, Elle and Vee chat with Holly, who gives the perspective of a single twenty-something in the ethically non-monogamous dating scene in NYC, juxtaposing the girls’ married and partnered perspectives. Their conversation includes:

First experiences in CNM (consensual non-monogamy): Holly’s first threesome; common types of group play and the girls’ preferences; being discreet with “incognito mode”on Feeld. (1:05)

Group sex: Even vs odd numbers; dynamics. (7:12)

Single and Poly: Going to mixers and meetups; the experience of being single vs partnered in the lifestyle; what considerations does a unicorn need to think about in play situations? (11:15)

Sexual Labels: “lifestyle”, “queer”, “fluid”, playing with women who don’t identify as gay, the different dynamic of having a penis in the room. (15:48)

Comphet: What is Compulsory Heterosexuality? Questioning your thoughts due to internalized homophobia. Is it still a problem in society? Calling men vs women for a booty call. (23:32)

Best Threesomes: Being dommed by a women vs a man; what makes a successful unicorn? (36:12)

Boundaries: the case against taking sexy nudes. (41:05)

Coming out as open to friends and family. (43:13)

Growth through sexual experiences: being celebrated for who you are; taking back the word SLUT. (46:40)

Main Nuggets: Guarding your heart, finding the right people, misconceptions of people in the lifestyle. (52:49)

Listener Question: How to go to a mixer solo. (57:49)